Is your brain as full as mine? I know it is.
We wake up with that list already running ahead of us. We have insane ideas of how much a human can actually accomplish in a day. We have the things to do and the things we thought we were going to do, but they rarely factor in time and energy for realizing our car is out of gas, or someone suddenly needs to be dropped off on the other side of town, or we are out of an essential ingredient for dinner.
So, while I am navigating my days and the many many unplanned needs that come up throughout a day, I am wondering if you can imagine what my brain does with the small bits of information that come out of my little people's mouths all day every day?
Like...
Mom, I need index cards for Thursday.
Mom, pizza day is Tuesday, I need money.
Mom, I don't have any socks that fit me.
Mom, you promised Michaela would get to sleep over this year and the year is almost over!
Mom, when are you going to pay me for that job I did last week (or last month or last year)?
I really care about my kids. I also know that these little things are really important. So I listen and I nod my head and I say to them, "Okay. I'll get to that." But the problem is that there is NO ROOM left in my brain to actually retain that information. I promise, it is not for a lack of caring, it is for a lack of brain space.
Thankfully, my refrigerator has some space on it. A few months ago, we created the mom list. At the top it says,
ATTENTION: MOM
Then, the kids (who have all sorts of extra brain room) are responsible for writing these things down on that list.
My job is to check in with that list every week and get those things accomplished. I can't tell you how helpful this is.
1. My kids don't have to repeat the request (again and again and again) in hopes that it finally makes it to my memory.
2. Getting these things done is really not that hard, and usually it is only one or two errands that otherwise would have been several trips if I took requests one at a time.
3. It makes my kids responsible for what they can manage (they have to get it to the list).
4. It makes me do a little check in every week with what they are needing. Sometimes those needs are physical, but sometimes those needs reflect something else. Like asking for a date with me or with their dad.
You might be wondering, but what about those things that don't come up until the night before? These are some things I ask myself:
~Is it a reasonable request and something I can run to the store or borrow from a neighbor RIGHT NOW?
~Is this REALLY going to be the worst thing in the world for my child to not have index cards or buy something at the bake sale tomorrow?
~Is my child at an age where it is time to begin learning the simple lesson of, "If I forget something, Mom will not always be able to magically make it all happen."
Eating a bologna sandwich rolled up on a hot dog bun while everyone else is eating pizza will not shatter my child's self-esteem. And it won't shatter your child's either. We all have limitations of time, money and energy. Being a mom is not about making your child's life easy, but about helping your child learn the skills for managing life when everything doesn't go as planned.
When my kids are throwing these requests out to me while I am on the phone or navigating directions while driving, it is easy to miss what they are really trying to communicate. There is a new security now offered to my kids. Now they know that even though I can't get to it right this second, I will get to it eventually, or maybe they will find another solution in the meantime.
It is a good lesson for them and for me.
We wake up with that list already running ahead of us. We have insane ideas of how much a human can actually accomplish in a day. We have the things to do and the things we thought we were going to do, but they rarely factor in time and energy for realizing our car is out of gas, or someone suddenly needs to be dropped off on the other side of town, or we are out of an essential ingredient for dinner.
So, while I am navigating my days and the many many unplanned needs that come up throughout a day, I am wondering if you can imagine what my brain does with the small bits of information that come out of my little people's mouths all day every day?
Like...
Mom, I need index cards for Thursday.
Mom, pizza day is Tuesday, I need money.
Mom, I don't have any socks that fit me.
Mom, you promised Michaela would get to sleep over this year and the year is almost over!
Mom, when are you going to pay me for that job I did last week (or last month or last year)?
I really care about my kids. I also know that these little things are really important. So I listen and I nod my head and I say to them, "Okay. I'll get to that." But the problem is that there is NO ROOM left in my brain to actually retain that information. I promise, it is not for a lack of caring, it is for a lack of brain space.
Thankfully, my refrigerator has some space on it. A few months ago, we created the mom list. At the top it says,
ATTENTION: MOM
Then, the kids (who have all sorts of extra brain room) are responsible for writing these things down on that list.
My job is to check in with that list every week and get those things accomplished. I can't tell you how helpful this is.
1. My kids don't have to repeat the request (again and again and again) in hopes that it finally makes it to my memory.
2. Getting these things done is really not that hard, and usually it is only one or two errands that otherwise would have been several trips if I took requests one at a time.
3. It makes my kids responsible for what they can manage (they have to get it to the list).
4. It makes me do a little check in every week with what they are needing. Sometimes those needs are physical, but sometimes those needs reflect something else. Like asking for a date with me or with their dad.
You might be wondering, but what about those things that don't come up until the night before? These are some things I ask myself:
~Is it a reasonable request and something I can run to the store or borrow from a neighbor RIGHT NOW?
~Is this REALLY going to be the worst thing in the world for my child to not have index cards or buy something at the bake sale tomorrow?
~Is my child at an age where it is time to begin learning the simple lesson of, "If I forget something, Mom will not always be able to magically make it all happen."
Eating a bologna sandwich rolled up on a hot dog bun while everyone else is eating pizza will not shatter my child's self-esteem. And it won't shatter your child's either. We all have limitations of time, money and energy. Being a mom is not about making your child's life easy, but about helping your child learn the skills for managing life when everything doesn't go as planned.
When my kids are throwing these requests out to me while I am on the phone or navigating directions while driving, it is easy to miss what they are really trying to communicate. There is a new security now offered to my kids. Now they know that even though I can't get to it right this second, I will get to it eventually, or maybe they will find another solution in the meantime.
It is a good lesson for them and for me.
2 comments:
LOVE this. I can't even remember when my kids make two simultaneous breakfast requests. Sometimes they ask multiple times for that egg, and I'm only having two necessary items. But, then, there are thoughts of who needs lunch and what to put in it, and are there clothes out upstairs, and is everything in the folders, and how many carbs is she eating. My brain Never has enough space for it all. And, the kiddos, with their seemingly endless brain capacity don't understand. Maybe I can start a list....
Have you been eavesdropping in my house? Because it sure sounds like just about every conversation I've had with my 8 1/2 year old lately! I adore this idea and will be using it starting today!
Post a Comment