I'm a user.I run through my days, my errands, my meals and swipe my card at every stop. "Would you like your receipt?" the clerk or machine always asks.
"No," I say
and sometimes I admit to them my reason why,
"Because if I don't keep the receipt it doesn't seem like I've really spent the money."
While we have an idea of a budget and we have most of our bills set up on auto pay from our account, for the most part, I have chosen to remain in denial about money.
I use it of course. I spend it on all the things I need and want. All the things that must be purchased to run this home, this family, this life.
"Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence" (from Wikipedia).
My first step in getting honest about my relationship with money has been a simple one. I now ask for a receipt for everything I purchase. I not only look at the total but I allow it to find access to my brain. That's it. Nothing major. Just a nod of acknowledgement at this resource I depend on all of the time.
Today, I went through all of my receipts. Not for the purpose of balancing my checking account (I am not THAT serious yet!), but for getting a visual picture of not only how I spend my money, but how I spend my time and my energy.
Just a few of the uncomfortable facts that have kept me in denial about money:
1. Money is a limited commodity and sometimes there may not even be enough for my needs, much less my wants.
2. Meeting someones expectation especially when it comes to birthdays and holidays is often more important to me than paying that overdue medical bill.
3. My anxiety over not having enough space, time, understanding or MONEY finds a little relief in purchasing something that symbolizes comfort to me.
This secret relationship is a deep and complicated one.
How can I hate money and love what it gives me?
How can money be important to me and at the same time not be controlled by it?
How can I be a responsible "user" and not be stressed out all of the time about where it is going and that there never seems to be enough?
There are more questions that answers so far. But I am hoping that if I start respecting money, it might show me some respect right back (by not flying out of my bank account).
I use it of course. I spend it on all the things I need and want. All the things that must be purchased to run this home, this family, this life.
"Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence" (from Wikipedia).
My first step in getting honest about my relationship with money has been a simple one. I now ask for a receipt for everything I purchase. I not only look at the total but I allow it to find access to my brain. That's it. Nothing major. Just a nod of acknowledgement at this resource I depend on all of the time.
Today, I went through all of my receipts. Not for the purpose of balancing my checking account (I am not THAT serious yet!), but for getting a visual picture of not only how I spend my money, but how I spend my time and my energy.
Just a few of the uncomfortable facts that have kept me in denial about money:
1. Money is a limited commodity and sometimes there may not even be enough for my needs, much less my wants.
2. Meeting someones expectation especially when it comes to birthdays and holidays is often more important to me than paying that overdue medical bill.
3. My anxiety over not having enough space, time, understanding or MONEY finds a little relief in purchasing something that symbolizes comfort to me.
This secret relationship is a deep and complicated one.
How can I hate money and love what it gives me?
How can money be important to me and at the same time not be controlled by it?
How can I be a responsible "user" and not be stressed out all of the time about where it is going and that there never seems to be enough?
There are more questions that answers so far. But I am hoping that if I start respecting money, it might show me some respect right back (by not flying out of my bank account).
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