Manic Monday: do you have time for a story?

Do you have time for a story?

My amazing friend asked me this question when I dropped by her house for just a few minutes yesterday morning. Of course, I did not really have the time. I made the time. Because Christina's stories are always worth the time.

Her question made me think how many days I rush through, even the really fun fabulous days of summer, without paying attention to the story it is telling me.

Other days, the story that needs to be told will not wait for me to finish writing my grocery list. It won't even wait for me to get dressed for the day. It demands to be told RIGHT NOW.

This is my first Manic Monday in many many weeks. Today was the day I was going to finally get to just a few things on my Manic list. I was on my back porch, drinking my coffee, still in my jammies, relishing one of the last long mornings of the season, when my daughter ran out to tell me that she needed my help. Her hamster, Lily, was missing.

Please note the picture above. See how there is a place for my daughter to play? An area of uncovered carpet. No. That space was not there this morning. Not a smidge of carpet in sight. Just a lot of dolls, stuffed animals, clothes, and tiny treasures for a cute chubby orange hamster to hide and crawl over and under for hours upon hours.

My son and I ran upstairs to help Avery. We locked ourselves in the bedroom, hoping to trap Lily in one space. Being the mother of the year that I am, I started to solve this problem by blaming my daughter for her messy room and her desire to have a hamster in the first place. Thankfully, I remembered my reading from More Language of Letting Go yesterday. Melody Beattie said that when we have problems, we often spend our energy on blaming ourselves and others for those problems instead of using the energy we have to solve the problem. (Thanks, Melody!) Because I was mad.

We all decided to work together to solve this problem. Which meant we had to clean up that room. We stayed focused, got all those toys off the floor. Once in a while we spied Lily's adorable face and all three of us humans, on our hands and knees, chased her all around the room. We cautiously moved furniture as not to crush that little beast. We tried to create barricades. She was unstoppable. Uncatchable.

After an hour and a half, we just had to leave the room. Avery thought to put Lily's cage on the floor and put some food all around it. With a hope and a prayer, we closed the door and went to Sam's to get some groceries.

The entire day, I had to live with the fact that there was a hamster running free in my house and there was nothing I could do but wait...wait for it to go back to it's house, wait for it to run into bed with me, wait for it to be dead in the toilet.

After HOURS of comforting a little girl who at 10 already suffers from all of the fear, pain and regret of a mom who failed her little one, I finally heard a glimmer of hope in Avery's voice as she called down to that she heard a noise in the back of her closet.

We tiptoed into her room, slowly and carefully pulling everything out of there. That little critter is so fast and squrimy. We could not catch her...but look where she caught herself:

Inside the candy claw machine. Seriously the best place anyone could be!

She threw quite a fit while we got her back into her actually cage, which included peeing all over me. She initially escaped because she has figured out how to use her little body to push up the side of the cage. We have now duct taped her cage closed. It is all so exhausting.

I really wanted to write a status update about our adventures with Lily today. But I didn't want to make my story as few words as possible. Would I have liked this story to fit into 140 charters or less? Yes. Yes, I would. But real stories aren't head lines. They are filled with blame and frustration, thrills and fears. They take hours and days and weeks and years to tell themselves. I want to make time for the stories my life has to tell.

And I want to hear your's too.

Manic Monday: what do I really value?

All of the natural routines and norms of my life fly out my car window in the summer. There seems to be a party every night. A quick trip here and there. Repacking before even having a chance to unpack. Can't figure out when to buy groceries because they are going bad while we hop and skip around town meeting friends, swimming, staying out as late as possible.

Going to the gym?

Paying bills?

Planning meals?

That all seems SO last season.

Do you remember that summer between 9th and 10th grade? When the boys turned into large, low voice creatures? It was only 3 short months and they morphed into another human all together.

Growth spurts, hormonal shifts, late night conversations that change your life. I think that is what summer is all about. A break away from all routine that can provide us with new insight into ourselves, into our desires and, for me, a fresh perspective on the life I am living.

I have created this life. Some of it intentionally and more than I care to admit, quite a bit of it I created passively. Letting things creep into my life that are not me. And they have taken over. I have beautiful shelves and storage spaces in my house full of things that don't matter to me. And yet there is no place left for those things I value. I find them in stacks and piles, underneath the recycling. (The recycling that never gets recycled.)

Tuesday, June 21st at 9:30, we will be hosting the PLAYshop that is based on Chapter 4 in Unwritten Travels: Your Travel Guide. It could not come at a better time for me. This summer, my values are shifting as I learn more who I really am. This season of life requires a different focus on some values that have been dormant for a while.

Won't you join us?

To register for the PlayShops email us at UnwrittenTravels@gmail.com. include your name, email, mailing address, phone number, and the session number(s) you want to attend. Each session has a 5 person minimum and a 12 person maximum.

Payment must be received in order to hold your place.

Click HERE to send your payment for your PlayShop. Click on the PLAY tab and you will click on the note that says "Reserve your spot."

Summer PLAYshops

Session Four – Why do you waffle and waver?

Why aren’t you "fulfilled?"

Why do you have conflicts with others?

Tuesday June 21, 2011

9:30-12 AM

Cost: $55 (includes themed snack and supplies)

Location: The Mooreland House, Brentwood TN

(directions will be sent with registration confirmation)

Life is full of tough choices.

When you become intentional about your values you can begin to live in harmony with who you are created to be. In this PlayShop you will identify the personal rules you live by and the rules you have for others. You will take a look at your personal compass and see how it is directing your life.

Session Five – Where did you come from?

Where do you want to go from here?

Tuesday August 23rd, 2011

9:30-12 AM

Cost: $55 (includes themed snack and supplies)

Location: The Mooreland House, Brentwood TN

(directions will be sent with registration confirmation)

Your past does not have to define you, but it is where your story begins. If you try to get through life with out an appreciation for the entire experience of your background, you will stop your own growth and pass on the same story to the generations that come after you. In this PlayShop you will determine how your past has prepared you for your present and decide what legacy you want to leave. Today is someone’s yesterday. Examine your beginning to see how it impacts your now. Redeem it for your future.

To register for the PlayShops email us at UnwrittenTravels@gmail.com. include your name, email, mailing address, phone number, and the session number(s) you want to attend. Each session has a 5 person minimum and a 12 person maximum.

Payment must be received in order to hold your place.

Click HERE to send your payment for your PlayShop. Click on the PLAY tab and you will click on the note that says "Reserve your spot."

We cannot wait to get started on all the fun with you.

Soul-Searching PLAYshop

Where is my purse? Where are my keys? Where is that water bottle I just had in my hand?

We have to search for what is urgent.
If we can’t find our keys, we can’t go to work; so we search.

We even search when we don’t really know we are doing it.

We listen to a report on the news about an issue.

We search our hearts and our minds instinctively to decide how we feel about that.

At Playshop session three, we searched.

We searched for ways that we could connect with our Spirits. We searched inside to begin to find out what we believe about spiritual things. It may not seem like an urgent thing. You can go about your day with out doing it. But whether we realize it or not, we are instinctively searching our souls throughout the day. Those decisions we make about the issues are tied to what we believe about God. The messages we are telling ourselves about ourselves are tied to what we believe about who we are created to be. Soul searching is urgent.

Those of us who have begun the search can promise you that.

And speaking of promises, you may just remember some that you have forgotten, and you may just be surprised to see how some of the promises of your heart are beginning to come true as you live in the truth you come to know in the Spirit.

We also painted.

We stopped our minds from racing with thoughts of our to-do lists even if only for a minute or two. We learned from each other. We left with new tools to use so that we can begin to listen to something other than the surface static that tends to fill our minds.

We had fun.

Who says searching has to be boring?

Remember going to slumber parties and having scavenger hunts. Playshop session three is like that. It’s like a slumber party for a few hours where you go on a scavenger hunt to find items that are inside you. Everybody wins, and everyone ends up with a prize.

Manic Monday: the mom list

Is your brain as full as mine? I know it is.

We wake up with that list already running ahead of us. We have insane ideas of how much a human can actually accomplish in a day. We have the things to do and the things we thought we were going to do, but they rarely factor in time and energy for realizing our car is out of gas, or someone suddenly needs to be dropped off on the other side of town, or we are out of an essential ingredient for dinner.

So, while I am navigating my days and the many many unplanned needs that come up throughout a day, I am wondering if you can imagine what my brain does with the small bits of information that come out of my little people's mouths all day every day?

Like...

Mom, I need index cards for Thursday.

Mom, pizza day is Tuesday, I need money.

Mom, I don't have any socks that fit me.

Mom, you promised Michaela would get to sleep over this year and the year is almost over!

Mom, when are you going to pay me for that job I did last week (or last month or last year)?

I really care about my kids. I also know that these little things are really important. So I listen and I nod my head and I say to them, "Okay. I'll get to that." But the problem is that there is NO ROOM left in my brain to actually retain that information. I promise, it is not for a lack of caring, it is for a lack of brain space.

Thankfully, my refrigerator has some space on it. A few months ago, we created the mom list. At the top it says,

ATTENTION: MOM

Then, the kids (who have all sorts of extra brain room) are responsible for writing these things down on that list.

My job is to check in with that list every week and get those things accomplished. I can't tell you how helpful this is.

1. My kids don't have to repeat the request (again and again and again) in hopes that it finally makes it to my memory.

2. Getting these things done is really not that hard, and usually it is only one or two errands that otherwise would have been several trips if I took requests one at a time.

3. It makes my kids responsible for what they can manage (they have to get it to the list).

4. It makes me do a little check in every week with what they are needing. Sometimes those needs are physical, but sometimes those needs reflect something else. Like asking for a date with me or with their dad.

You might be wondering, but what about those things that don't come up until the night before? These are some things I ask myself:

~Is it a reasonable request and something I can run to the store or borrow from a neighbor RIGHT NOW?

~Is this REALLY going to be the worst thing in the world for my child to not have index cards or buy something at the bake sale tomorrow?

~Is my child at an age where it is time to begin learning the simple lesson of, "If I forget something, Mom will not always be able to magically make it all happen."

Eating a bologna sandwich rolled up on a hot dog bun while everyone else is eating pizza will not shatter my child's self-esteem. And it won't shatter your child's either. We all have limitations of time, money and energy. Being a mom is not about making your child's life easy, but about helping your child learn the skills for managing life when everything doesn't go as planned.

When my kids are throwing these requests out to me while I am on the phone or navigating directions while driving, it is easy to miss what they are really trying to communicate. There is a new security now offered to my kids. Now they know that even though I can't get to it right this second, I will get to it eventually, or maybe they will find another solution in the meantime.

It is a good lesson for them and for me.

Manic Money: my secret relationship

I'm a user.

I run through my days, my errands, my meals and swipe my card at every stop. "Would you like your receipt?" the clerk or machine always asks.

"No," I say
and sometimes I admit to them my reason why,
"Because if I don't keep the receipt it doesn't seem like I've really spent the money."

While we have an idea of a budget and we have most of our bills set up on auto pay from our account, for the most part, I have chosen to remain in denial about money.

I use it of course. I spend it on all the things I need and want. All the things that must be purchased to run this home, this family, this life.

"Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence" (from Wikipedia).

My first step in getting honest about my relationship with money has been a simple one. I now ask for a receipt for everything I purchase. I not only look at the total but I allow it to find access to my brain. That's it. Nothing major. Just a nod of acknowledgement at this resource I depend on all of the time.

Today, I went through all of my receipts. Not for the purpose of balancing my checking account (I am not THAT serious yet!), but for getting a visual picture of not only how I spend my money, but how I spend my time and my energy.


Just a few of the uncomfortable facts that have kept me in denial about money:

1. Money is a limited commodity and sometimes there may not even be enough for my needs, much less my wants.

2. Meeting someones expectation especially when it comes to birthdays and holidays is often more important to me than paying that overdue medical bill.

3. My anxiety over not having enough space, time, understanding or MONEY finds a little relief in purchasing something that symbolizes comfort to me.

This secret relationship is a deep and complicated one.

How can I hate money and love what it gives me?

How can money be important to me and at the same time not be controlled by it?

How can I be a responsible "user" and not be stressed out all of the time about where it is going and that there never seems to be enough?

There are more questions that answers so far. But I am hoping that if I start respecting money, it might show me some respect right back (by not flying out of my bank account).

Manic Monday: grocery shopping

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.

~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright, Pavarotti, My Own Story

I wish I felt a little more like Pavarotti when it came to food. I wonder if he made the meal plans, did the grocery shopping, carried the food into the house, put all the groceries away. Then cooked, served and cleaned up all of these meals he enjoyed so much.

Of course, I LOVE eating. If it is really good food. But I don't often make really good food. So mostly when I do love eating it is because I was eating out. somewhere. else.

When a week gets started before I have made it to the grocery store, our family ends up eating out meal after meal after meal. Which means we all enjoy the food, but our bank account does NOT. Wow, it adds up fast!

So, today's Manic Monday Mission was to plan some delicious and healthy meals, buy the groceries and actually cook the food that I buy. It sounds simple enough, doesn't it? So, why is it so hard? Because meals get lost or preempted by everything else on my to-do. And it is a big thing to get lost, because everyone (including myself) is always hungry.

I have a few sources that help me:

Harris Teeter Express Lane
Do you know about drive-thru grocery shopping? If you hate grocery shopping (like me) or you just don't have the time to go to the store (or you would rather spend the time you do have horse-back riding, reading, or napping), you can place your orders online and pick them up for a $5 fee. This service has CHANGED my life. Go buy it. Go try it. Do it. Now.

Cook Your Meals the Lazy Way
I found this cook book in a clearance bin for $3.97 several years ago and it still remains one of my favorite recipe books. In fact, tonight I made the Cauliflower Curry (with chicken instead of pork) and it was yum. There are so many recipes I go back to in the book. They are always simple, tasty and the writers are quite funny.

Quick Pork Curry with Cauliflower

2 medium onions
3 T. oil
4-6 cloves garlic (pressed)
1lb. pork cubes
1/4 c. curry paste
1 head cauliflower
3 c. water
1 beef stock cube
2T. tomato paste

1. chop the onion
2. heat oil in large saucepan over medium heat. add onions and garlic. cook until brown.
3. add pork and brown, stir in curry paste.
4. break the cauliflower directly into the pot. add water, stock cube and tomato paste. raise the heat and bring to boil.
5. cover loosely, lower heat and cook for 20 minutes. serve with white rice.

Some other fun food books that I found at the library this week:


1. Relax, It's Only Dinner
by Cheryl Merser -
She wrote this for people just like me, who get a little freaked out at cooking dinner every night and crazy freaked out at having company for dinner. Ms. Merser is also very funny and cares only about making good food without much of a fuss. I got some really great ideas from this clever book.

2. the art of eating in: how I learned to stop spending and love the store
by Cathy Erway -
This is a story of a woman who lived in New York and stopped eating out and began cooking food for herself and her friends for every meal (something unheard of in NY where there are some apartments that don't even have kitchens). Although she includes some recipes, the most enjoyable part of the book for me was hearing how differently she had to think, plan and socialize in order to eat in.

So, for this week, all is good in our refrigerator and pantry. It really is one of the nicest things in life when there is food in the house and dinner on the stove. Even if I am the one who gets it there.