Discussion Questions: Chapter One

1 – Why do couples go on a honeymoon after their wedding? What is the purpose? What did you feel when you thought of a honeymoon with yourself?

2 – Page 4 states “The things you love say something about you…listen.” Why is it important to know what you like and dislike? Is this superficial? Selfish? Necessary? Why? How does this relate to fulfilling your life purpose?

3 – Did anything surprise you about yourself as you completed this chapter? Did you see yourself as a unique creation? Look at the person on the right, share one thing you learned about your unique self with them. Listen to their revelation. Make sure you’ve listed those things on page 21-22.

4 – Write down one of your wishes from page 15 on an index card. Trade cards with a member of your group. Use their card for a bookmark. Pray and hope with each other that your dreams will come to fruition.

5 – Share some of your morning and evening rituals. Pick out a new idea to try.

6 – Was there anything you realized you disliked but were doing unnecessarily due to someone else’s expectations? (Page 17 & 18)

7 – You may want to provide colored pencils or markers to do your creative excursion together.

8 – Ask a few people to bring in CDs of their favorite songs. Listen to them together. (page 13 & 14)

9 – One of the main things women yearn for is to be heard and to be known. From completing this chapter you should know yourself better. Have each person in the group pick one of these questions and answer it out loud.
What do you do?
What are you good at?
What do you want?

10 – Allow a few people to read their souvenirs from the chapter out loud.

spotless

Where, O where, is my spot?  

I can show you the kitchen, the family room, the dining room, the kid’s rooms, the master bedroom and certainly the laundry room.  But where is my spot?  On some days it is easier to find hidden pictures of Waldo than it is to find a spot just for me in my own house.

 We recently moved into a new house.  In this house, I have my very own room, my study, my little get-away.  Even with the actual space available to me, I have not taken ownership of it.      I do not have the resources (time or money) to create an official place of my own.  Or at least, that is how it seems. Last weekend, as I sat working on these pages, I made a list of things I could do with no money and very little time.  

1)    clean junk/trash/other people’s stuff out of the office

2)    choose a paint color/color scheme for the room

3)    find a wallpaper for focal wall

4)    vacuum the room

5)    create a basket of necessary treasures (markers, pens, scissors, tape, chocolate)

 My mom gave me full access to our attic when I was 11 years old.  It was my hiding place.  My baby sister’s old crib became a little couch for me.  Some old lamps and suitcases made an eclectic reading area.  Once in a while, I invited a friend (or a brother, if he was on his best behavior) to visit, but most of the time, it was just for me—to read, to think, to figure out who I was in this new phase of my life.

When I was up in that attic, I was not concerned with the perfect décor for my space.  I was delighted at the junk I could arrange and re-arrange into a cozy corner where I could be whatever I wanted to be.

In order for me to truly inhabit this new space of mine in my grown up world, I had to take on that same perspective I had as a child.  In one corner, I have a bookshelf.  Each shelf houses a different aspect of my life.  By the window, I have my desk (inherited by my husband’s grandmother).  We happened to have an extra mattress that is now piled high with a quilt from my grandmother and the pink fairy sheets that my daughter has outgrown. 

Sunday afternoon, I opened my windows, listened to the rain and had a rest on my lounge chair.  My room is not what I hope it will be, nowhere close to perfection, but it is comfortable and peaceful—which is exactly the kind of spot I need right now.

What steps (big or small) have you taken toward designing your own spot?

your favorite things

The way to love life is to love many things.
~Van Gogh

I started Unwritten Travels today. For the first time since our book was cut and pasted into a binder, I am filling in the blanks of my very own copy.

Even though I am overcommitted (spell check doesn't recognize that word, but I looked it up in the dictionary and that is the correct spelling. Maybe my computer is using the red pen on my life, underlining that word to remind me that it is unhealthy and unproductive to be overcommitted.), my house has a protective layer of dust and soap scum on all surfaces, and I am headed to a bridal luncheon in just a few minutes (for the stunning Elizabeth Mc Knight, doodler extrodinare of all things Unwritten), I actually sat on my back porch and filled out the list of my favorite things.
(Yes, that was one sentence. I need a blog editor.)

It almost felt obsene.
What buisness do I have thinking about my favorite things on a day like today, in a month like this month, where there is too much to do and not near enough time or energy to do it?
But I did it anyway, because if I weren't me, I would be lecturing you on taking time for yourself ESPECIALLY in the hardest times. So I listened to me telling you that this is good for you
~healthy actually, like eating vegetables, wholegrains and drinking lots of water.

And it was.
I felt this tired part of myself stretch her little arms out, look up for the first time in a while, and remember that she matters.

My favorite color: this yummy blue (the little sticks).

My favortie article of clothing: pink polka dot skirt that I am wearing tonight.

My favorite sport: zumba (according to my definition of sport, anyway)

My favorite book: I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
and anything by Marisa de los Santos. I wrote her last year on National Author's Day and she wrote me back the kindest letter.

My favorite shoes: I am wearing them right now. Strapy floral wedge sandals. They make me smile every time I peek at my feet :)

My favorite gift(s) received: my camera, my engagement ring, my grandmother's ring.

Thankfulness overwhems me as I reflect on the many things I love about my life.
Well, my timer went off to alert me that I must get on with the day.

What have you learned about yourself from filling out Your Favorite Things?

below E

There is this gauge in my car, right above the steering wheel.  It has a little red bar that points somewhere between an F and an E, letting me know how much gas is in my car.  

Well, it attempts to let me know.  It tries.

It just doesn't get my life.  

What if I did live that kind of life? Where each morning, I peacefully walked to my car (alone),  slipped my travel mug into my cup holder (that still knew how to hold cups), turned on music (that I loved) and paused to check my gas level. What if I had the kind of life that made room for thoughts like, Hey, I've got some extra time and I'm almost below a 1/4 tank, I'll stop and get some gas on my way to wherever?

This morning, my son was calling me out the front door (giving me a minute by minute countdown), while I was prodding my slow and steady daughter to move her lovely little self out the door.  I thought I gave them their lunch money, but just as we are pulling out of the driveway, we discover the checks never made it to the van.  Back into the house to get the checkbook.  Once again, almost late to school.

  

Stop and check how much gas I have?  

Whatever.

Until the morning my car doesn't start.  Genius.  

I'm out of gas.  So, I call a friend who picks my kids up and takes them to school.  They are tardy, of course. Good friends help when you are in a pinch.  They also don't laugh (okay, they don't laugh too long) when you tell them you forgot to fill up your tank (again).

My life has been c r a z y. 

But there is a point when life's circumstances start to seep into my mind, heart and soul and, pretty soon, it is not just life that's crazy, but me.  Crazy, exhausted, angry, impatient, and sick.  Without a little red bar, and absolutely no warning light to alert me, I suddenly realize my tank is empty.

I wonder, how long I have been running on fumes.  The difference between my van and me, is that I can keep going even on empty. I can go for quite awhile. Until I can't anymore.  

Yesterday was that day for me.  The day that I dropped my kids off at school, and (after filling up my car), came home and took a morning nap.  There were a thousand things I needed to do yesterday (and I eventually got to most of my list) but nothing good or productive could come from me until I got some rest.

The world is not going to stop and wait for us to fill up. 

Check in with your tank. What do you need right now?

Some of my favorite things to do when I am weary: sit for an hour with my coffee, soak in a lavender bath, get in bed an hour (or two) early, and watch an old movie instead of cleaning one afternoon.  

You think we could be as kind to ourselves as we are to our cars? No car can run on empty and neither can we.  Good-bye, guilt and unrealistic expectations.  Hello, Sanity! It's good to see you again.

one winter weekend

3 years ago, almost to the day, the other Jenny and I went off on a little adventure to a tiny lake house for 48 hours.  This is where our first chapter started to take form.  

Who knew that our little get-away would begin a new way of life for us?  We had no idea what we were getting into.

It all started with a plan to meet once or twice a week to work on one of the many ideas we had talked about doing over the years.  We met at bagel shops and bookstores learning the ins and outs of our new mac laptops, brainstorming and eventually creating an outline for what has become Unwritten Travels.  This was a four month process that led up to our winter weekend at the lake.

We came home with a cut and pasted Chapter One titled,

  The Honeymoon: discover your heart's desires. 

(You can see the glue and scissors in the picture above.)  

Every time I have looked over those first pages (it has to be millions of times by now), I still feel the thrill and joy of that chilly weekend with one of my dearest friends.  It many ways it is even more exciting now~the anticipation of getting to share all we have learned from this journey with you.