below E

There is this gauge in my car, right above the steering wheel.  It has a little red bar that points somewhere between an F and an E, letting me know how much gas is in my car.  

Well, it attempts to let me know.  It tries.

It just doesn't get my life.  

What if I did live that kind of life? Where each morning, I peacefully walked to my car (alone),  slipped my travel mug into my cup holder (that still knew how to hold cups), turned on music (that I loved) and paused to check my gas level. What if I had the kind of life that made room for thoughts like, Hey, I've got some extra time and I'm almost below a 1/4 tank, I'll stop and get some gas on my way to wherever?

This morning, my son was calling me out the front door (giving me a minute by minute countdown), while I was prodding my slow and steady daughter to move her lovely little self out the door.  I thought I gave them their lunch money, but just as we are pulling out of the driveway, we discover the checks never made it to the van.  Back into the house to get the checkbook.  Once again, almost late to school.

  

Stop and check how much gas I have?  

Whatever.

Until the morning my car doesn't start.  Genius.  

I'm out of gas.  So, I call a friend who picks my kids up and takes them to school.  They are tardy, of course. Good friends help when you are in a pinch.  They also don't laugh (okay, they don't laugh too long) when you tell them you forgot to fill up your tank (again).

My life has been c r a z y. 

But there is a point when life's circumstances start to seep into my mind, heart and soul and, pretty soon, it is not just life that's crazy, but me.  Crazy, exhausted, angry, impatient, and sick.  Without a little red bar, and absolutely no warning light to alert me, I suddenly realize my tank is empty.

I wonder, how long I have been running on fumes.  The difference between my van and me, is that I can keep going even on empty. I can go for quite awhile. Until I can't anymore.  

Yesterday was that day for me.  The day that I dropped my kids off at school, and (after filling up my car), came home and took a morning nap.  There were a thousand things I needed to do yesterday (and I eventually got to most of my list) but nothing good or productive could come from me until I got some rest.

The world is not going to stop and wait for us to fill up. 

Check in with your tank. What do you need right now?

Some of my favorite things to do when I am weary: sit for an hour with my coffee, soak in a lavender bath, get in bed an hour (or two) early, and watch an old movie instead of cleaning one afternoon.  

You think we could be as kind to ourselves as we are to our cars? No car can run on empty and neither can we.  Good-bye, guilt and unrealistic expectations.  Hello, Sanity! It's good to see you again.